To My Honey Dearest Elaine:

As I think once said by Confucius
"He who no marry is testicleless"
So all parts of me have now reached consensus
That what I want is to have me a missus

So here I am trying to permanently woo
The love of my life by the way that's you
Whether it'll work or not I haven't a clue
But note that rejection I'm most allergic to

Hence to you this poem I'm writing
I know it's crap but at least it's rhyming?
In any case you can guess what I'm proposing
Oh if you fall asleep I'll assume you're agreeing

Let me start first by telling you this
(Being a Virgo I've done full analysis)
You're the only one who can bring me bliss
If you don't throw out my Star Wars toys, that is

Oh you're a great cook I must say
Surely the best I've seen from Taipei
Thanks to you I no longer have to pay
To get myself some great tasting bak kut teh

I'm not the first to say that you're gorgeous
Nor to admire your gluteus maximus
Please let me make all the other guys jealous
By just granting me this marital status

No matter how far I have to travel
Or how many suitors I have to battle
I'm determined to make you my damsel
Tell me would it help if I grovel?

I'm not the type with lots of muscles
But we don't need that for life's game of doubles
And though I may not have the strongest of financials
I think I'll make enough to pay for your facials

Whatever you say I will obey
Even if it means going again to karaoke
Why, you can have it all your way
If you'd only agree to be my fiancee

For whatever reason our paths did collide
A good life to you I'll forever provide
So feel no worry in being my bride
Money-back guarantee if you're not satisfied*

* Only valid if still within warranty period

In whichever country our home may belong
Be it the US, Taiwan, Malaysia or Hong Kong
Surely it doesn't sound too terribly wrong
If people were to know you as Mrs. Wong?

Our road ahead will surely have troubles
We must expect our fair share of struggles
But if your love or interest in me ever dwindles
I'll buy you more 2000-piece jigsaw puzzles

If ever my heart should one day stray
If ever your heart I should betray
Then mark the words that I now say
Let my vital parts shrink and shrivel away

Saying no would cut like a knife
And bring upon me untold strife
So if you should refuse to be my wife
I'll keep bugging you for the rest of my life

And now you've heard my feeble plea
I kneel nervously in wait of your decree
So what do you say, Honey, what will it be?
Will you do me a big favor, and please marry me?